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Theme Tips!

thefrogman:

Some of your blog themes are using ridiculously small font sizes. I often have to zoom to 200% to read things and usually that makes the elements on the page go bonkers. Your super important thoughts just aren’t worth that kind of trouble. 

Lets forget about old farts like me who have a slightly hard time seeing things—there are plenty of folks with vision related disabilities that could benefit from more reasonable font sizes.  

With that in mind, here are some theme tips from your pal, Froggie…

  • Pick a theme that allows you to have —at minimum— a 12pt font. 14pt would be my preferred size. That way, even if someone does need to zoom (Ctrl +/- on your keyboard) they won’t have to zoom quite as much—giving a better chance that the page will retain its design integrity. If you choose a font size of 6, I will hire a monkey to poop inside all your left socks. 
  • Make sure that your font color and background have decent contrast. Light text should be placed on a dark background, dark text on a light background. If you place white text on a super light gray background, I will send a very charming wombat to seduce your lover and snapchat you pictures of their erotic encounters. 
  • Text colors should probably be limited to black, white and gray. Sometimes dark colors with low color saturation are acceptable too. I know you really like neon purple, but some people might stab themselves in the eye. You are endangering their ocular health. You don’t want that kind of guilt hanging on your conscience.  
  • Make sure that your navigation is easy to find and big enough to see even at a glance. Sometimes I feel like I am hunting for Waldo just trying to find a damned “next page” button. It should be under your last post at the bottom of the page. It should have big letters, possibly with an enthusiastic arrow. If I have to scroll the top of your page and use a microscope to find your next button… a surly aardvark will steal your tax forms, erase your real name, and replace it with Dildo Baggins. 
  • Make sure your ask, about me, and other buttons of importance are in a logical place and are easily readable. Typically at the top of your sidebar is a great spot.
  • Always double check to make sure your links work as intended. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen silly mistakes like htt://blahblah.tumlr.corn
  • If nothing else, perhaps just link everything to meatspin. A quaint site in which meat is in perpetual gyration to a catchy tune. 
  • Make sure any clutter on your page is worth it. Every element you put on your page has to be loaded. There are many with slower connections who may have to wait an annoyingly long time for sites to load. It’s possible that your supercool globe with all the flags of people visiting isn’t as necessary as you think. 
  • You might also put a link to your mobile site on your page so people with slow connections can just load the essentials. 
  • Endless scrolling is nice in theory, but it is often very unreliable. Especially when used with 50 to 100 pages. For people with older, slower computers it will crash constantly. And if you are like me, and require a lot of pageviews for business purposes, it can really mess up your site statistics. 
  • Consider avoiding posts with a great deal of blockquotes. Perhaps even edit the post and remove any parts that are irrelevant so that there are as few blockquotes as possible. If you do not, you risk blockquotes shooting off the side of your page and there is absolutely no way to discern what is being said. If you reblog something with 50 or more blockquotes, highly trained ninja raccoons will just judge you silently while twiddling their cute little thumbs. 
  • Lastly, if you have a music player on your blog, please disable autoplay.

I have recently signed a contract with a fire breathing dragon. If you still have autoplay on your blog at midnight, September 1, he will hunt you down. He will summon angry thermite fires from the depths of his bowels. He will look you dead in the eyes—his nostrils flaring with puffs of white hot fire so intense, your skin begins to peel. He will move in closer so you can feel his exhales on your shoulders. They will bead up with sweat with every passing breath.

And when you tell him you think “autoplay is actually pretty neat!”…

His eyes will glow orange, burning your retinas. A great grumble will churn in his stomach as he pushes the flames toward his esophagus. He will open his mouth wide and you will see the blaze gurgling in the back of his throat…

He will then sit you down in a comfy chair and give you a stern talking to about how autoplay sucks total balls. It sucks, like, at least 80 balls. On a 10 ball scale. 

marxvx:

if i as a retail worker have to work with a dozen cameras pointed at me to deter me from stealing $10, cops should have to work with a camera pointed at them to deter them from arbitrarily maiming and killing people

necrophilofthefuture:

realest.

allhailthehutch:

Taking naked pictures of yourself does not make you a bad person. People who share them without your permission are bad people.

A group of demonstrators have filed a $40 million lawsuit against Ferguson, Mo., and its police department in the aftermath of days of angry protests that swept through the city this month.

The lawsuit, filed by six plaintiffs, accuses police of using “wanton and excessive force” when demonstrators took to the streets after Darren Wilson, a white officer with the Ferguson Police Department, shot and killed unarmed 18-year-old Michael Brown on Aug. 9, Newsweek reports.

note-a-bear:

I don’t think I realized until seeing this just how big this piece is

note-a-bear:

nativeamericannews:

Hunger Games on the Rez: Filmmakers Plan Dystopian Pine Ridge Drama
It’s 2085 on Pine Ridge. The reservation has been quarantined and borders guarded by the military for 30 years. Sparked by the ramifications of the Keystone XL pipeline, the war between the government and the insurgency lasted for eight years and resulted in the dystopian setting that provides the background for “The People,” the inaugural project from Indigene Studios.

YES LORD GIMME THIS MOVIE NOW

note-a-bear:

nativeamericannews:

Hunger Games on the Rez: Filmmakers Plan Dystopian Pine Ridge Drama

It’s 2085 on Pine Ridge. The reservation has been quarantined and borders guarded by the military for 30 years. Sparked by the ramifications of the Keystone XL pipeline, the war between the government and the insurgency lasted for eight years and resulted in the dystopian setting that provides the background for “The People,” the inaugural project from Indigene Studios.

YES LORD GIMME THIS MOVIE NOW

So, if boobs aren't sex organs like all you feminists claim, then what's wrong with commenting on them? If you have purple hair, I'm going to mention it! If you have giant boobs, I'm going to mention it! If they're not sexual, then what's your problem?
Anonymous

okcreepsters:

northcentralpositronics:

drhenryj3kyll:

raithne:

iridessence:

okcreepsters:

bagelstripper:

okcreepsters:

Translation: I don’t understand the difference between sex organs and secondary sex characteristics, nor do I understand how society has coded certain secondary sex characteristics to be sexual while others are left “neutral.” I also don’t understand how I am drawing a false equivalency between hair and breasts, as only one has been sexualized within Western cultures, and I’m really desperate to justify my own obsession with sexually harassing women.

Now they are secondary sex characteristics? Are we just going to keep on making up words until men aren’t allowed to look at women?

Feminists didn’t make up the term “secondary sex characteristics” to shame men for looking at women. It’s a scientific term for features that appear when a person or any other animal has reached sexual maturity. Here’s the wikipedia article since you were unable to look it up yourself. 

People are of course allowed to appreciate others’ bodies. What is not acceptable is sending objectifying messages to a total stranger about the way their body looks. 

Why is this so fucking difficult?

are you fucking telling me people don’t know about secondary sex characteristics? are you fucking telling me that people havent had basic primary school concepts taught to them? what the actual fuck.

Translation: ‘I have no idea how logic or biology work’

BIOLOGY IS A TOOL OF THE MATRIARCHY

IF BIOLOGY HAD ANY SENSE OF EQUALITY WHY IS IT THAT I, A MAN WHO CAN’T GET LAID?

Damn feminists… infecting the menz with a sense of rational biological classification… secretly tricking nineteenth-century misogynists with their feminist agenda… damn science-using wimmenz with their reason and their taxonomy and their logic… where did they learn this witchcraft? what man taught these harridans speech?

*sips mountain dew, hides face under trilby, descends into irritable mutterings*

The following is the single greatest series of tags I have ever seen. #liiiiike… this guy must have a lot of trouble birdwatching made me laugh so hard that I now want it tattooed on my body. 

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